Sunday, January 17, 2016

I Have A Secret

So, I have a secret.

But first, let's recap:

Today it happened in the women's room at church with a woman I adore, yesterday it happened in the hallway (also at church) with a very kind man I've never met, Friday night it happened when we were out with good friends, and in the past couple of months we've heard it at the supermarket, in the teacher's lounge, at Starbucks, on FaceBook Messenger, through email, through texts, and pretty much anywhere we've run into someone we know well or are acquaintances with but haven't seen recently.

You all want to know: "How is it going?"

You also want to know: "Why is it taking so long?"

And sometimes (because you have a sweet heart and kind soul), you add: "It must be SO hard." 

So, like I said, I have a secret. Are you ready?

Well, we have no news, no leads, and no baby we know of showing up in the future, BUT (here it is):
We are SO happy and this isn't hard at all! In fact, we are filled with peace and joy! 

WHAT? HUH? WHY? HOW?

Listen, I expected "The Wait" to be SO hard. I expected to have a super anxious heart. I FOR SURE expected to be losing more sleep and a little of my mind since God blessed me with my Type A, controlling, impatient nature… (you know it's true). BUT, to be perfectly honest- none of that has happened!

I was thinking about this today when the woman from the bathroom asked me if we had any news and then she added that she didn't want to ask but was curious.

OK- can we talk? PLEASE ASK ME! I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF! ARE YOU KIDDING? I'VE WRITTEN OVER TWENTY BLOGS ON IT! OPEN BOOK HERE- YOU CANNOT OFFEND ME!

Ok, I feel better, that's off my chest.

This journey has been a JOY for us to be on. It's not something that's hard or sensitive for us, it's exciting, hopeful, and so fun for us to talk about.

Infertility is HARD. Losing hope month after month is HARD. Infertility treatments, hormone supplements, and holding your breath while you wait to see if maybe this time…is HARD.

Twenty negative pregnancy tests is HARD.

This is different. Don't get me wrong, our wait journey toward adoption has had it's challenges but the hope that lives inside me for our future family, and the joy I feel from following God's call to adopt, that's the best feeling in the world.

That's how I know this is what God wants, and has always wanted for my life. I have peace. So much peace. And I am happy, genuinely happy. Even now. Even in the in-between. I know He is faithful. I know He's making a way.

Oh, and one more thing- the next time you wonder how we can endure the wait, just look at your kids.

Would you wait for them?

How long?